Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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