It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
