All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
