i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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