My room smells like vodka and shame
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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