You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
