My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
