You're my little dorito
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
