the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
