I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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