apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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