After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My breasts were aching with rage.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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