Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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