I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
