I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
