And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think people are normalizing furries
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
