you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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