Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
