i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
