The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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