This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
