If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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