Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
