Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
