He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
