we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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