a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
