I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize