I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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