I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
