u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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