those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
