Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
