How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
