I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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