Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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