Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
