Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
