Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize