My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He better not be in your backpack
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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