It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
