I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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