but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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