I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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