I'm going to jail i love you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
