I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
