apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
