its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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