I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
