upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
