It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize