i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
