i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
