Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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