I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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