worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize