whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
