You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
