You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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