I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
