Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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