If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
