3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize