About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
