Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she smelled like a LAN party
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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