I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
