'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
