apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
