Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
