Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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