Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
