Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
