I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
