Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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