just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Randomize
