i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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