I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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