therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
